i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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