i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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