just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
