Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Bring me that man meat
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
