Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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