Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
