What did we do last night that was yellow?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
