I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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