Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
