She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
