Umm I'm too high to move.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
