Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
