So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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