Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my being single is dangerous.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
