EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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