I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
