I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
