Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
