We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
