Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
