Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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