Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
