Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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