She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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