The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
