The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
