the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
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