Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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