What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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