Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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