I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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