My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
