Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
