We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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