My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
