Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I didn't notice because vodka
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
