if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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