You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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