new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can I color on your dick again?
NoShamevember. You game?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
