he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
