he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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