im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
