I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no, he came in my armpit
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
