I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
