So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
