All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
