I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
