How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
