I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
