Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
